It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
