you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
