yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize