Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
