The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
