Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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