When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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