dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
