Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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