her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
