I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
