omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
