Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
