some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize