Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
don't judge my taste in strippers
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
