I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
