i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize