he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
