So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
