wake up i wanna do it froggy style
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
