someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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