My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
