I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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