I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
