I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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