im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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