pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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