its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
