My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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