dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize