You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
