the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
