Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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