Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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