I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
