dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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