At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
