do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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