$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
