its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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