Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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