PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
