; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
