i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
