just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i need some magic done to my vagina
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
