dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
