Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
