everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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