saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize