Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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