i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
