Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
