Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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