don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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