haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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