used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
