And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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