recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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