just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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