oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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