It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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