she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
