Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
