i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
