They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
