May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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