I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
