i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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