i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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