I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
