There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
