Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
