the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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