When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
