There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
