it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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