addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
