you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
