You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you would pick up someone in the library
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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