I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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