im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
