well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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