yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
