Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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