I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Randomize
