I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
