I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
