Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize