I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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